061128.Bath, My Night in Paradise

November 28, 2006 at 11:46 PM | Posted in Architecture, Bath, Columns, Corinthian Order, Flowers, New York, people, Poughkeepsie, River Avon, somerset | 9 Comments


I was invited to the Pump Room this evening and had my photo taken with the Right Worshipful the Mayor of Bath, Mrs. Carol Paradise (pictured, above left). That necklace is only worn by the Mayors of Bath, and is “priceless,” or otherwise estimated at well over 400,000 pounds.

I was there to talk to the Mayor of Bath and Mr. Torahata, C.E.O of Happy Enterprises, about setting up a billion-dollar tourist attraction near the Abbey and Roman Baths based around a recently discovered egg. It was really a spectacular find…looked almost prehistoric. It washed up on the Cornish coast a few years ago during one of the rare hurricanes that hits that area.

But after hearing expert prehistoric egg tourist-oriented programming delegations from Poland and the Czech Republic, the third speaker was interrupted by two girls from “Infant Island,” who wished to be known as the Shojobin (pictured, above right). These girls warned us that if the egg wasn’t swiftly returned to Infant Island, the larvae (their term, not mine) would hatch and destroy this World Heritage city! Enraged, Mr. Torahata chased the Shojobin off the stage, but alas!, we should have listened!

The international delegations were getting nervous and began demanding the egg be returned to this legendary “Infant Island,” but Mr. Torahata and Mayor Paradise refused to give it up, and we all know “…public opinion is powerless against the law.”

Failing to convince the Right Worshipful the Mayor of Bath and the City Councilors, we were all packing up when Godzilla suddenly appeared leaving a trail of destruction from Widcombe through the South Parade to the Abbey Yard, itself!

There was pandemonium everywhere when the Shojobin tried to calm the atomic beast through song. The singing failed miserably but attracted the egg’s mother, Mothra, who was shortly convinced by the Shojobin to save Bath by defeating Godzilla.

With a screech, Mothra defended her egg against Godzilla. For a while Mothra, who resembled – well – a moth, was on top of things but then Godzilla fired his atomic ray at Mothra’s face, felling her instantly. Woe to Mothra! This appeared to appease Godzilla, who headed off toward Royal Victoria Park and Oddown, but the Shojobin got the idea to hatch the egg with their song.


(Pictured above, the Shojobin attempt the birthing song while a member of the town council informs Madame Mayor on the fate of Walcot, a northern section of Bath.)

Crack! And it was done, with not one but two Mothra larvae that followed Godzilla to Walcot, spraying him with an encasing cocoon substance, which tripped him into the cold River Avon. The Mothra larvae joined us at the remains of the Thomas Baldwin and John Palmer’s Pump Room (1791-1795) to celebrate before they returned to Infant Island in the middle of the Hudson, Dutchess County, New York, to live with their older Poughkeepsie urban planner cousin (pcitured below in November 2005). Just another ordinary day in Bath.


Gozilla vs. Mothra, 1964 All this excitement caused a classmate to faint. (No photos of that, though…or the giant atomic moths and monsters for that matter.)


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  1. that’s hilarious! i was believing it (for a bit too long…) until godzilla arrived!! podbrain strikes again. really larfed at the fate of walcot piece and the photo. and another butterfly in blogland, the urban planner cousin. i understand why you are so busy now! hurrah for the mothra larvae!!

  2. ps. that butterfly looks stuck on to me………..

  3. I love the Poughkeepsie urban planner part.

    I am sad that you have no photographs of Mothra nor the egg.

    But the hair on that anonymous member of the Town Council sort of makes up for it.

    I can’t wait until your autobiography comes out.

  4. JC, i have to admit i spent a fair amount of time studying the hair of the informer of her right worshipable carol paradise and was rather transfixed by it. looks like she fell into something and someone grabbed her by the darker hair just in time to save her from going under.

    JA.MES of course i shall now link your (fake) butterfly story to my post

  5. Yeah, that councilor lady was the real menace. She kept insisting the delegation speakers and the Shojobin could only speak when there was silence in the room. Silence in the room! My G-d, woman, Godzilla’s out there prancing about and she’s delaying the Shojobin’s warning messages…and singing.
    It’s like not shouting fire in a crowded Pump Room. Oh, the humanity!
    JC, I tried to ask myself if Mothra or any of her kin were alive today, where and what would they be practicing. How would you know a Mothra-esque monster was alive and well, functioning in modern society, and I thought: Poughkeepsie’s urban redevelopment! It’s undeniably proof, no less. There’s like 30 feet between on and off ramps on Route 9!
    Q: What kind of monster would put motorists in danger like that?!!!
    A: The Mothra-kind! …the winged monster urban planner, unconcerned by pathetic terestrial journeying.
    Pod, you’ve got the Dutchess Co. ‘Little Moth’ all wrong, I would never stick him on the branch (with glue…far too valuable, might cause damage that would destroy credibility for next shots), I wedged him there at a fork in the twig-branch.
    H-P, HB (happy birthday), no one’s claiming you collapsed out of Godzilla-induced fear. There’s plenty of other rational explanations, like the monster larvae, the giant atomic moth, the town councilor’s unfortunate dye-job…

  6. Ja.mes, now I think you shoud be the one who supported to collapse…
    But, nice pictures. I couldn’t see those two girls clearly because thousands of people in front of me.

  7. […] I dunno, anyone agree with me. Or was it a car? Tree? Colony of lime mortar-munching hamsters? (Just don’t say Godzilla, we killed him off in Walcot.) […]

  8. […] crowd of black-clad officials, he mandated that all mayors should wear bright red. Now, whenever Bath City Mayor Paradise goes to Bath Spa Station to greet someone important, they immediately recognize her. It also proves […]

  9. stance windows article anthropogenic process

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